Biblical Dating: Men Initiate, Women Respond
Is Online Dating Biblical?
Will there be any pressure to use alcohol or drugs? Don't give up your values for a date. Am I attracting the wrong type of person? Make sure that the message you send with your actions doesn't attract people who will lead you to compromise your values. Am I aware that sin is first committed in the heart? Are you going to the right kind of place for a date? Many good intentions have been forgotten because the temptation and opportunity were too great.
Am I doing anything to encourage sexual desire? Don't engage in any impure contact that is sexually motivated, such as petting.
You can start fresh with God anytime you want to. His word tells us that sexual sin is wrong, and He knows what is best. God knows that going too far before marriage tends to break up couples and leads to less happy marriages. He knows that most guys do not want to marry a girl who has been intimate with someone else. Net users generous rights for putting this page to work in their homes, personal witnessing, churches and schools. What are the Biblical guidelines for dating relationships?
Dutch , Hungarian , Indonesian , Spanish , Swedish G od wants the best for us in every area of our lives. Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character 1 Corinthians Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Ask yourself these questions: Are you patient with each other?
Are you kind to each other? Are you never envious of each other? Do you never boast to or about each other? Is your relationship characterized by humility?
Once he determines he is ready to be married generally, and once he has found a particular woman he is interested in pursuing, our single man's next step is to "put some feelers out. This is not initiation. Initiation is not manipulating the situation so that while you're officially "asking her out" there's no actual risk of rejection or embarrassment.
Biblical Dating: Men Initiate, Women Respond | Boundless
In his Boundless article, " Real Men Risk Rejection ," Michael Lawrence eloquently summarizes both the objections some men might raise to this idea, and, in my view, the ideal response:. As it is the man's God-given role to initiate, so it is the woman's God-given role to respond. Her response may be positive or negative, it may occur through her father, her family or words directly to her potential suitor. But whatever the circumstances, her role is as responder, not initiator.
As single men need to learn how to lead whether they like it or not , single women need to learn what it is to let a man assume spiritual leadership in the relationship — and to respond to that leadership. Ultimately, this means learning to trust God's goodness and sovereignty.
Clearly, this is not the popular secular view of the "liberated" woman's role. Hollywood's perfect woman runs with the boys, knows what she wants and is aggressive en route to getting it — especially romantically. Hilariously, Hollywood even writes these characters into period pieces, as if the normal woman at all levels of society in the 18th and 19th centuries was a post-feminist, post-sexual-revolution, "there-ain't-no-difference-between-me-and-you" libertine.
Needless to say, that is not the biblical picture of the responder. So what does this picture look like? Does this mean that a woman should never ask a man out on a first date?
I think it does. Does this mean that a woman shouldn't give the guy the assurance he needs by "leaking" news of her interest to him by way of his friends? Again, I think so. When men drop the ball on leadership as we often do , it presents a temptation for the woman involved to pick up the reins and lead for him. This is no less true within marriage. Picking up the reins sets a terrible pattern that only confuses the roles in the relationship and encourages both of you to take the role of the other to the detriment of the relationship and ultimately the marriage.
The Lord is sovereign. If it doesn't work out with a particular guy because he didn't step up, the Lord will cause something else to work out. He knows what is best for each of us, and all of us must learn to trust Him — especially about things that are really important to us.
Dating | bedestenevler.com
Finally, let me advocate the initiating of a relationship under some accountability structure. I mentioned the woman's father or family because until the second half of the 20th century, that's largely how it was done. The idea was to protect the woman from potential hurt or awkwardness, to aid her in evaluating a man whom she might not have known well at the time of his initiation, and to help ensure that the relationship was carried out honorably.
Certainly, this norm spread beyond the believing community and became more of a cultural phenomenon, but it still gels well with attempts to carry out a godly dating relationship — especially among those believers who hold a complementarian view of biblical gender roles. In this day and age, however, the hard fact is that many single Christian women have fathers who are not involved in their lives at all, are not believers, or are indifferent to or unaware of the notion of protecting and shepherding their daughters and potential suitors in a dating context.
Where that is the case, a natural alternative might be some married individual or couple within the woman's or man's church community.
Ladies, this doesn't mean that you have to cut your would-be suitor off mid-sentence, take off running and shout your father's or whomever's name and phone number over your shoulder as you go.
It may mean that you explain to him that before you are willing to go out with him, he needs to meet person or couple X and discuss it with them or with the two of you. If you don't desire that sort of protection or aid, at least insist that the two of you begin to meet with others who know one or both of you well so that there will be consistent accountability and an outside perspective on how the relationship is going.
Humble openness to accountability is essential to a godly relationship. So that's my take on initiation. It's not exhaustive coverage, I realize, but this should at least get your relationship started on broad principles.
How to Respond to a Man's Pursuit.
An eight-part article series on how to apply God's Word to dating, finding a spouse and getting married. Helping young adults mature in Christ and prepare for marriage and family. Home Relationships Adulthood Faith. Community Dating Marriage Sexuality.
Men Initiate, Women Respond. Feb 15, Scott Croft. Men Initiate Among the different roles assigned to men and women in the Bible, men are assigned the role of leadership.
What does this actually look like in a budding relationship between two people? It means that you as the man take the first step, risk and all.
In his Boundless article, " Real Men Risk Rejection ," Michael Lawrence eloquently summarizes both the objections some men might raise to this idea, and, in my view, the ideal response: Are you saying that all the risk is mine? Welcome to trusting God. Welcome to being a man.
Is Online Dating Good for Christians? | Desiring God
Your cards belong on the table. Your intentions and your feelings, to the extent that you can discern them and it is appropriate for you to share them, should be clear. Part of your role even at this early stage is to protect the woman of your interest from unnecessary risk and vulnerability by providing a safe context in which she can respond. Women Respond As it is the man's God-given role to initiate, so it is the woman's God-given role to respond.
Accountability Finally, let me advocate the initiating of a relationship under some accountability structure. Like what you see?
The other side counters that online dating is merely a tool God can use to bring two people together — users don't place their faith in the matchmaking site, but in the Lord. What can be wrong with that? The arguments on both sides have merit. Like many things, online dating isn't inherently evil or good. More often than not, the Bible offers general principles over specifics. We can then take these big ideas and apply them to our everyday lives and the choices we make. But that process requires wisdom, discernment and guidance.
Focus' online community for young adults, Boundless , seeks to help singles navigate these issues. Through Boundless, Focus encourages intentional living and offers resources that motivate young adults to know their worth in Christ as individuals and to be open to the opportunities God may have for them. For some in the Boundless community, this may lead them to trust God to bring a spouse through church, work, or a blind date set up through mutual friends. For others, it may involve signing up to an online dating site and seeing if God uses that.
Boundless has even joined forces with online dating service ChristianCafe. What if a single man or woman signs up to ChristianCafe. Where do they go from there? You can't stay online forever, so how does a potential couple make the jump from the virtual world to the "real world"? To help answer this question, I'm going to share some tips from one of my female colleagues. She met her husband online and has good insight on making the transition from being matched in a dating service to meeting in-person.
You can read their complete story in this Boundless post. Quickly bring this person into your community and get to know theirs. This gives you much-needed context to making sure this person is who they say they are.
In the end, meeting online is something we don't even think about now. God used online dating to get us together, but, like couples who meet in a more conventional manner, we had to pray, trust and obey throughout every step of the dating and engagement journey.
We've now been married for four-and-a-half years and we have two precious kids. There's no doubt in our minds that God, not our dating site, was our ultimate matchmaker. If you or someone you know is interested in trying out ChristianCafe. Before you do, consider reading through Boundless' article on the 10 online dating "don'ts" for men and women. CP Opinion The views expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect the editorial opinion of The Christian Post or its editors.
But let me hear from you. Have you ever tried online dating? How did it go? I'd love to hear your story. Jim Daly is president of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame-honored daily broadcast, heard by more than 2. Top 10 Christian Movies for Your Family.