Dating is like jokes


Bob was in trouble.

Jokes about internet dating - Simplified dating advice

He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday. A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot : Jokes

She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie? A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear.

Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy? A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Funny jokes about dating - Funny Jokes & Quotes

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Ugh my boyfriend is taking forever to exist.

Put your arm around her. Then your other arm. Wait this might be football. Relationships are like marathons, which are also stupid.

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The dating process is basically just guys pretending that they like to leave their house. Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest. Right now, several billion people aren't dating you. How rude is that?

Funny Dating Jokes

This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts.

Funny Relationship Jokes Collection | Laugh Factory

This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. This — is for you.

What did the artist say to his girlfriend? I really love you with all my art! What book do women like the most? What is loud and obnoxious? Why is life like a penis? Your girlfriend make it hard! How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife's clothes. What does your girlfriend and a condom got in common? If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

What do you call your ex-girlfriend with Pms and Esp? A bitch who thinks she knows everything. What do you call a girlfriend with an opinion?

Wanna see a magic trick? Do you know how to tell if your girlfriend is geting fat? She can wear your wifes clothes What do you call a woman made out of garbage? What kind of girlfriend does a potato wants? Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut their girlfriends up. Why is a girlfriend like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you. Why did God invent the yeast infection?

So your girlfriend know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt. How do you turn your girlfriend into an elephant? What do you call a woman who loves small dicks? What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? How many men does it take to open a beer? None, it should be opened when your girlfriend brings it to you. What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A girlfriend that won't do what she's told. What does fucking your girlfriend and cooking an egg in the microwave have in common?

Both end with a loud, annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean up. What's the difference between a Catholic girlfriend and a Jewish girlfriend? A Catholic girlfriend has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Why are girlfriends like condoms? Why shouldn't you lie to your girlfriend when she's on her period and has GPS? Why didn't the man report his stolen credit card? The thief was spending less then his girlfriend. What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!

Why do women have tits? So men will talk to them. What should you give a man who has everything? A girlfriend to show him how to work it. A jealous girlfriend is a faithful girlfriend. Society can never be pleased! Be the girl his ex girlfriend will hate, his mom will love, and that he will never forget.

Kissing your girlfriend on the cheek good kissing girlfriend in the mouth awesome Kissing girlfriend in front of her ex boss. Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed in my life Twitter asks what I'm doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a crazy girlfriend. Boyfri end Girlfri end Fri end everything has an end except fam ily It was so hot today, I almost called my ex-girlfriend to be around something shady. It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend.

Your girlfriend is like a meatlocker every guy wants to store his meat in her Every girl is a ninja It shows when someone touches her phone or her boyfriend. The world thinnest book has only one word written in it: The book title is: If your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere expensive Take her to the Gas Station. Girlfriends are like blue jeans. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced..

Dear do you know that exams are like girlfriend? Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful.. Do you want a kiss? Do you remember what i just said? Yes, if you insist.. Just because you have your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch.

Oh well just because you have a dick doesn't mean you can be one. They kicked my ass out. I was caught selling ice. I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me.. Okay then, let's start with Kisses! I've been called worse before. Girl's Best Friend After dinner and a movie, Chris drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Michelle responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse.

Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs. As they were kissing passionately, Chris slid his hand up Michelle's skirt.

Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs.

This time, Michelle didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, "There comes a time when even the best of friends must part. Since no one was around for miles Marie called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick Quick I need your help my boyfriend got bit by a snake on his penis" The doctor told her "Maam your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself" Marie asked "Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom" The doctor says "Sorry theres nothing we can do" So Marie goes running to her boyfriend When she gets there Jay says with pain "So what did the doctor say?

One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up. The second one I called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do. The third I called Jack Daniels. Then the other girl interrupts saying "Hold on a minute. Isn't Jack Daniels hard liquor? And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Marcedes.

And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Marcedes when she returns the ring. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself. Click Here to Bookmark Jokes4us.

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