Nigerian Dating Scam - I've been there
In the end now that I look back at it, I feel glad he did it, it showed me who he really was, how emotionally immature and desperate he was. So I was seeing this guy off and on for 6 years. He has always chased after me and always come back to me apologizing and trying to keep me in life. He even talked about marriage with me.
We broke up at the end of October if you can call the sudden silent treatment a break up and I confronted him about it. Long story short he got engaged on December 12th and is getting married on the 31st all with in 2 months.
Why I am not enough? Hi eric…av been with this guy for a year now. The first few months were great until he started having issues. Sayin things like he is still not over his ex and i kept reminding him of the things they did while together. I decided to be patient with him and give him time to get over them and find closure. Little did i know my actions only pushed him into getting back together with her. I regret doing that and this crushed him.
Since then he found it hard to trust me again because he didnt know i was capable of doing that. We have been trying to work things out and we got back together again.
This crushed me and i got depressed. I decided it was time to leave him so i started telling little white lies, i went back into doing things i have been doing before i met him. The lies kept building up and one day blew up in my face.
He was so heartbroken in a way i had never seen before. I decided to confess everything to him and he got so mad. Now he doesnt want anything to do with me. He has made it clear through texts and even called me to tell me that he never wants anything to do wth me.
And that i should go back to my ex…i really love him so much and am afraid i have lost him forever.. Because when i text him he will not text me back unless i make a joke. So uhm my boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months.. We recently just broke up.. I called it off for various reasons. My mum of course told me.. How long should I feel miserable … I broke up w him because he honestly gets very angry when I text male Co workers or other male friends..
Idk I kinda wanna just change my number and never talk to him again.. Please help me im so confused. Never do anything to its extreme actually this was suggestion i used to give to my friends cause it falls the same way both sides good and bad, well i ended up doing that, well she was different, amazing and had a personality like it was certainly mind blowing for me..
Smells like victory in paradise for me hahahahahaa. What to do with this type of guy? My boyfriend broke up with last November Unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me on whatsapp. On November 22, he unblocked me on whatsapp and sent me a message saying I could find a nice man easily because I am beautiful.
And wished me good luck. I thanked him for everything. He tried to cal me last November 23 but was not able to answer it. November 24, he asked how I am. Tried to call him but no answer.
Same thing happened November I said why would I be looking for a new Ng or find a new bf? He said a nicer guy. What does this mean? Thank you for writing this article. I was in a relationship for almost a year which ended abruptly. When someone leaves without really giving you an explanation it can be devastating.
I am really hurt just trying to feel better. I know time will help and that one day the feeling of wanting to cry when I think about what happened will go away.
I have fallen for him after 3mnths… we met once when he came for his leave as he is posted in a remote area. I told him that I like him more than a friend.. I was the one who dump my ex for his selfish behaviors, I still love him though despite of all those selfish things he had did in the past..
The next day right after i dump him he instantly changed his profile picture to a picture with him and one of his girl friend. He claimed her to be his gf as he told me to stop contacting him because she is important to him. Is this considered as a rebound? Later on he said he wanted to meet me and just the two of us together spending time talking and he said he wants to hug me. He was trying to have sex with me because he always used to tell me hes crazy about me, even after the breakup he still insisted in having sex with me.
But for now, farewell and take care. I told him the same and wished him the best. But why is he telling me? And also he blocked me few days ago because some guys were flirting with me and he brought up those guys as subject today when we were talking. Is there anyway to enlighten me? What a load of croc. Poor apologetic load for grown up babies i guess. It gives women an opportunity to process it from a perspective that can clarify his actions… which is important, since post-breakup there are many women who are tragically suffering and feel an intense need to understand his actions so they themselves can move on.
Hi Eric, i have been in a relationship with this guy for nearly four years. But two months ago, he broke it off telling me that his mother does not want me because i come from a different tribe. I was so shocked!!! A few weeks later, he posted a picture of him and a certain girl on his whatsap. When i asked him to be honest with me, he told me he is in love with someone else and so i should move on. I am so hurting to the extend of contemplating suicide. How could he do this to me?
Did he really love me? I trusted him so much and gave him my heart. He hasnt communicated with me for the past two months and he seems to be so happy with his love. How can he just forget me within a second? I just want to die.
Erick please help me. I got in a long-distance relationship with a guy who used to be my good friend, we spent one week together and then one month more on Skype. I was behaving wrong towards him, I was so lonely and desperate to have love in my life that I wanted too much of his attention. He said that was making him feel stressed, that after his previous relationships he wants to rest and tried to break up with me.
After that he stopped writing to me. He just cut me out without any talk or anything. We do have some little contact. We play the same online guild so we chat in a guild chat. If I write first he eagerly answers. I never discuss our situation though. I once asked for help for my studies and he called me on Skype and helped out — in truth I just made this up to see and hear him again.
But he behaves like there has never been anything between us. Not just break up — but the way he did it. I highly doubt he thought and thinks about my feelings at all…. I am completely broken, 2 weeks passed and I cry every day. But in truth I just want him back, I miss him immensly. My name is Mari. My story is a strange one. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 months but prior to use being together we have known each other for 18 years.
He was my very first boyfriend and first love. We were together 4 years and was ripped from me and sent away. We both lived different lives and have kids of our own now. He really thinks I will hirt him. Am I just siking myself out hoping for him to be more open or just keep trying.
For a while everything was OK we went to calforina together to let his dad ash go but when we got back and his mom left and move to gorgia. I am over 45 and was seeing a man for 6 weeks that was pretty serious.
He took me for dinners, bought me clothes and jewellery, gave me money, we did a lot of activities together in fitness, I helped him with his health as he has bad BP and diabetes, he was very ill when we met. He cant have sex for 2 yrs from these issues and was quite depressed. I got him off the BP med and hes taking vitamins and within 5 days his BP was perfect so were his sugars. He works out every day hrs. He had no complaints about me at all.
Sometimes he felt rotten. So I did not hear from him hes not a phone caller much he will call to come take me out. So I did not hear from him for 2 days and Friday morning I got a text over the dating site from him that he sent at am and I only received at pm that night he had to break it up due to his health and wished me luck! He came on when I found this and I was very upset. He said he does not know if I am the man for him, and said he cares a lot for me.
He was calling me sweety as we talked. Then he said could we stay friends. So I was so hurt and shocked. He never even called me to talk about it and all weekend has did not call me its now holiday Monday. I made a quick voicemail to him sat morning that since he did not care enough to call me he has no second chance.
He still did not call. At pm that night I had a beer and called he answered. He was out with his best friend having a few beers downtown. He joked he has to find a woman to dance with. Then he said hes heading to his car to go home and he would probably call me once there. He wanted me to move in with him. He was about to b uy me a bike this week. Mom is not well and he knows that Im upset about this and what he has done but he has not called, I am just so shocked and hurt. He cant have sex so this is a huge upset for him….
My husband of 3. I think I hurt him — I was not paying as much attention to the things he needed as I thought I was. Do I have any chance of getting him back? But every time he stops by the new house to drop something off the vacuum, etc. Do I have any chance at all? If so, what do I do? Nope, even if you 2 are back together bc of the baby…exactly what happened with my exwife…I was just so sick of it all. So I dated my ex for almost a year 10 months , I feel like I opened my heart up to him and revealed my past of hurt to which he always told me he wasnt that type of guy.
He was also the first to admit that he was in love with me. I always put him first, sadly, sometimes before my own family because I was in love. He then dumped me for reasons still unclear today. Honesty was very important to me. Then he says that he just wanted he freedom. I had heard that he was hanging out with this girl friend from work. I knew about her before our break up and he was the type of guy who didnt want me to hqng out around any guys. So when he started talking to her he told me that I could talk to whoever I wanted and immediately I became suspicious.
Well he got let go from his job 3 days after we break up and he continues to see this girl. Updates his twitter profile to a picture of them two. He even retweets all sorts of love stuff. I confronted him about it and he would always say that it meant nothing. To believe him and what he tells me. I like an idiot chased him for a month. I did things I should have done like I bought him things and still slept with him, why?
I was naive and believed it all because I was in love with him. He said we would be together in the future. Made what I believe to be fake promises. We still argued because he would act hot and cold with me. One day he would be very flirtacious and would comfort me in my time of distress.
The other day he would be a complete jerk to me. So after days of confusion I asked him to simply be friends. Cause what i was getting was friends with benefits which was what I did not want. Last time I hung out with him were with my friends and again he acted flirty and touchy. So after that day I decided to take a break from him. Being around him was messing me up. The first 3 days he would just like my fb status which he rarely ever did when we were together. His step mom who loves me dearly informed me that he was posting on his twitter love things about a different girl than the one he was originally hanging out with.
She advised me to find out because it wasnt fair to me. I wanted to confront him about it. I felt like he owed me the truth because it would give me the closure I needed to move on.
I called and left him a voicemail asking how he was. Two hours later I called him again and he blocked me on his phone. I was soo hurt and angry. I went to his house and saw his mom.
His mom told me that he did in fact have a new gf. That he went to a party had a threesome and ended up moving in with one of the girls who happened to be older than him and had money. I also found out that he had lead on the other girl from work as well. Idk if his mom was telling the truth or lying cause she is not a good person.
She always tried to make me feel less of a person. So in a way I feel like she got joy telling me this. She said it was my fault for disappearing and that all men do this. So from that day, I blocked him from everything social media and my phone. In the end, I feel like I needed to find out because I never got closure from him.
What hurts the most is that I asked him to be honest with me even after the break up. I told him that I didnt care if it hurt. I just wanted to know the truth. He didnt even tell me that he was in a new relationship. I had to find out for myself. He grew up in a group home so maybe thats why he is who he is. Like he doesnt know how to love or care about others. He made me cry a lot even on my birthday. He criticized me for being vegetarian saying that he didnt meet me like that.
Before the break up I was looking for an apartment for us. I was going to get a second job and put school on hold because I wanted to be with him. I was thinking about us and I was willing to put my dreams on hold.
He on the other hand did nothing to help us reach that dream of living together. He just wanted to smoke pot. He had a job but had no intention of going back to school or doing really anything.
I was giving more than recieving. I thought I could motivate him and maybe even change him. I learned my lesson though. Well just last night i cried my eyes for a guy who told me we were right for eachother and he loved me we didnt date long but as soon as a bad situation came up.
He bailed out and cut me off. I simply said it was a test and it will make our relationship strong but he wasnt buying it. Even went as far as to tell me I was not really crying and that i was forcing myself to cry and Im like really. He said he changed his mind because i was being disrespectful and I was rude and this was just a bad dream and to forget about it. I mean i couldnt believe the words that he was saying.
He was a straight jerk and he was 10 yrs older than me Im 25 hes 35 everything about him was perfect until this happend. Eric, I wanted to thank you for the great articles that you write! I think the true closure comes from yourself sometimes, and just accepting the situation and moving on. So I am now faced with options of either continuing a friendship with him, parting ways completely no contact , or some middle space of texting, talking and hanging out once in a while with him with no real depth….
Do I stop talking with him all together until my heart heals?? Sorry Eric Charles, but cutting someone off and not discussing the relationship issues shows how immature you and many people are these days.
Most relationship problems can be resolved, but people today are too lazy and unwilling to work at them. Relationships and sex have become a dime a dozen.
You have serious commitment and insecurity issues I gather. In fact based on your previous posts you sound extremely insecure and like you have very low self-esteem. You need to be in therapy to work on your issues because you have some. However, I suspect you are not long-term relationship or marriage material anyhow based on the comments and stories you write.
You come off as very selfish, self-absorbed and constantly in pursuit of this fantasy idea of happiness. It suggest that you are narcissistic individual who has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Instead of communicating you just run away like a kid. Sorry, ladies and men , but any man or woman who acts like this is emotionally immature. They are not ready for a relationship and will never be marriage material.
Avoid these people if you want a serious commitment that will be long-term and marriage. And long-term means more than a year or 2. Hey eric I believe you are wrong. If you dated someone for a longer period of time you owe them closure. Not endless discussuion but two or three follow up mails for example. Just ro make it easier for the dumpee. It happened to me — i wrote a nice goodbye letter to my ex; not clingy or begging him to come back because i knew it was over.
More have a nice life, was lovely to meet you. We also lived in different countries so there was no point in pursuing an already broken relationship. Eventually not even saying goodbye when I flew back home. And that really hurted. Almost more than ending the relationship. Made me feel completely worthless.
Questioning the whole relationship. I have hopefully moved on now as i dont know his reasons, i did not do anything bad and one mistake or missed perception of him does not devalue me. But a simple courtuosy when appropriate would not kill your principles or pride and might made it easier for the other. You might respond it is my ego talking which is definitly true, but is it right to crush someones ego just because you are in a position to do so? It is obviously his pattern using women. He was such fun and is hard to forget but there is deffo no future with such mrn.
I was involved with a man for 2 years, first year just friends. He lives in my apt complex. I ended up falling for him its the first time in years I felt that way.. I am not from this city and dont have many close relations here. He at times would turn cold on me, I would question him then he would get upset and push meto friends,saying hes notready to fall in love he needs time. This man is 50 always been a bachelor no kids.
Never lived with a woman. Last relationship was age 22 she left him after 5 years for another guy. He had addiction issues for years but gave it all up. He has a bad arthritis and injects himself not sure if this is why he turns strange on me around the time he injects.
We got along amazing the and did alot together but he would not commit to me but stated he was not with anyone, that if he met someone he liked more he would tell me.
So hes also an amateur golfer and lost his job 3 months ago this put a big upset in our relationship. Last time we were together for 2 days he said he wanted to buy 2 gold rings and claimed Im the best woman hes ever been with, he said this during romance. There was always high attraction with us. The next day we were just sitting there and he said you have gained more than 10 lbs I cant believe it.
This upset me as he always loves my look. Then an argument ensued he said i told you i dont want a relationship, I said we have been in one for 1 year. He said I want to be alone. Then he said dont contact me for a week. He turned nasty I never saw him like this. So the next day he texted he would call me that night. He called after golf and told me his schedule for the coming week, asked how my day was. He said hed call after his tournament which ends tonight.
He said he wants to see if he will miss me and if he can do good in golf without my coaching. He lives 6 doors down from me so imagine the hell I am in. I only have 2 other friends here.
He never mentioned our breakup OR the voicemail message before we would talk 1 hr about us not now. It was again about him mostly. I told him I have an interview for a great job he was happy.
We talked 25 mins. He does not seem as cold now he said hes 2nd in golf his final day is today and he will call me tonight to say how he made out. I am not getting my hopes up. I had said in text I sure hope your not involved with someone new he never responded….
I had to go for emergency couselling as I am so upset he was like my family here.. I am hurting right now. I was in an affair for 5 years. I met him and he was married with 2 young kids. I am much older and it started as a friendship.
I would listen to his problems, his unhappiness, how he was struggling financially. He depended on me, asking me never to leave him.
I noticed one time a year into our affair that he has constant text messages — like in 24 hours. I questioned it, he admitted he met a girl after a gig and she kept wanting to talk. He made me feel special, and I got deeper in love with him. He finally left his wife, he started going on small trips here and there saying it was a singing gig but there were no photos etc..
I am very smart and can usually figure out a person, not this guy, he is the best con I have ever come across. I was stupid enough to continue the affair, seeing him when I could.. I felt so amazing being with him, helping him, getting his career to a higher level.
I bought all the lies because I was blinded. He told me his wife wanted his Facebook and not to write anything for a week … then posts photos in the middle east somewhere. The more I asked, the more he lied and covered up. Soon after his divorce he said he just wanted to be friend but still wanted financial help from me.
He still wanted to sleep with me. He would get mad if I asked questions and get more distant. The next day he disappears, 3 days later he posts a photo in Paris.. My girlfriends show me photos this past week of him partying but not with one girl in particular. How can he be so evil, a liar.. I too am shocked and devastated although I saw it a long time ago. Please tell me what I should do — just erase him from my life? What about the 5 years of dedication I gave him?
I have feeling and he stomped all over them … I risked my kids, my marriage and I am so unhappy with me life now, while he is enjoying the good life. First off, shame on you for getting involved in an affair. Yes, I said it. You just allowed yourself to lose control. Secondly, that man is using you. Helping him financially and you are not his wife?? Thirdly, you are not in love with him. This man is a loser. He has no respect for himself or other people.
He lacks integrity, compassion and empathy as well. Lastly are you seriously asking how can he be such a liar, evil and manipulative.
You are willing engaging in an affair with a married man. Have you not grasped who you are as a person? You need to leave him alone immediately and get into therapy because you have some serious issues lad. Beth, I completely agree that being in an affair is wrong but, I am also aware that people make mistakes and have done things that they regret.
There is a major difference between giving people advice and making people feel like shit. As for the woman who calls herself damaged I would like to tell her that what she has been through does not have to define her as a person.
She is a human being and she deserves to be respected. My only advice to her is to A. Not get into another affair, B. Remember that this man that she had an affair with does not deserve her and C. Please try to figure things out with your husband especially since you have children. I can tell you that divorce aucks ass for kids a lot of the time. I would know I am a child of divorced parents. Whatever you do please have your kids best interest in mind. Hi Eric, I am in a long distance relationship.
I broke up with my boyfriend last February then I found out through Facebook that he went on several dates with a girl who kept tagging him, announcing their dates. That happened a month after we broke up. He eventually confirmed it.
I was hurting but I told him I was happy he found someone near him and that I hope it works out well for him this time. A few weeks after that we decided to give us a chance again. I am in a relationship for 3 years then in a sudden he stop communicating with me…i am trying to call him and send msgs but then no reply…i dont the real score between us.
I just decided to break up after 6 years of being in a relationship with him. I asked him why? He said he was just attracted with her but then he realized that he really loved me. To make it short, it took 6 months I gave him 2nd chance. After reading that message, I then finally decided to break up with him. He defended his self and said he never had any communication with the girl, that he was just trying to get some news about her. He told me, he thinks I dont trust him.
So I answered, I tried my best to trust you but you gave me reasons to doubt it. He also said he dont wanna lose me, that it hurts cause he loves me, and asking if we could atleast stay friends? I actually said being friends would be fine. I just need help cause right after the break up, he sent me some messages as if nothing really happened. I stopped replying on him to give both of us some space. Or should I just simply not reply?
I just feel bad that all of a sudden I didnt reply. What should I do? To whom it may concern. I met him thru his bff, which is a mutual friend. We have discussed the breakup many times. My ex started dating someone not even a week after the break up and he has told others he was never really in love with me. It hurt for awhile…. Been 6 months and I got over it. And in some twist of fate I started dating his bff.
We were sneaking around for a few months cuz he felt it would hurt my ex if he found out. We were happy, I was happier then I ever been in a long time. He had feelings for me way before my ex came in the picture but it was bad timing for both of us.
My ex knew how he felt, and adked him oermission to date me. He told me that he never realized hiw he felt about me til i was dating his bff, and he didnt like it at all. He told me I made him happy. He also told me he loved me. My ex was out of town for 2 weeks and we wanted to figure out how to tell him. When he came back home, things got weird between me and the bff. It was painful for me. Like he lied to me, just like my ex did. It felt so real to me!!
He has chromes disease and didnt want to let me in with that situation, like he used that as an excuse as well. That he needs to get his head straight.
My question is, and I wonder til this day, its been almost 2 weeks since we broke up, did he really truly love me? Did he push me away cuz of my ex and if there is some possibility that he maybe hurting over this too? I know nobody can read minds, I just need some sort of answer, good or bad, for my piece if mind.
So I dated this guy for about 3 months. Everything was going great; he told me he loved me, wanted to get married, have kids, move in together etc.
Then he found out his mom is really sick. He did make up his mind though that he planned to move back home at the end of his lease to be with her. So for a while he gave me the runaround; he barely spoke to me, he did not want to see me or anything.
He met up with me about a month after he found out the news and said that he did not know anything about his moms condition, and that he did not know what to do about us.
He basically said that he goes out with his friends alot, and that he really turned to alcohol, so I figured him withdrawing was his way to cope with everything. About 3 weeks later, he travels home to see his family. I message him to make sure he got back okay. He responds and said that him and his dad were figuring out some things, but that it wont happen between us. I figured thats where it was going, but was hoping maybe things would change or he would at least confront me about it to my face.
So a few months pass, I figured he was moving and would be back home by now. My friend just recently relocated to a new store for work. I came in to see her and it turns out that he is still working there he was supposed to be gone at the beginning of the month. I also found out that he was sleeping with one of his coworkers behind my back at some point and is now staying with her.
I even heard this rumor a while ago, and confronted him about it, which he adamently denied the last time I saw him in person.
He still plans on leaving, but since some of his fellow coworkers have gotten fired around the time he was supposed to leave, they have yet to find a replacement for him.
He knows that her my friend who relocated stores and I are friends, and that she will tell me the truth. But apparently he did not flinch or say he was going to do anything. What the hell happened? I have debated on saying something to him to see if anything will come of it, but as he made clear he doesnt seem to want to confront me.
To me that sounds like he has not truly moved on, but that he has not dealt with any of his emotions. My friend seems to think that this was all too real for him and he couldnt handle it, but that eventually he will come back. That this new girl he is with is just filling a void so he can throw her away to the side when he leaves and that hes using her for a place to stay.
I dont know what to think at this point. He and I met at a party and most of our relationship was long distance. He broke up with me a year after we met and was harsh about it. He said he never loved me, knew it would never work, etc.
About 6 weeks later he came around wanting to get back with me. I gradually got back with him simply because I loved him. I knew better but I loved him. I moved to his city to be near him. Two months after my move he ended up breaking up with me again, this time to go back to an ex, someone he had once said had broken his heart.
I was crushed again and so humiliated. Then after one week the no contact rule I got a call that he died suddenly. We never spoke again after the break up. It seems like I will forever be stuck in the pain of losing him with minimal closure and only mostly painful memories of a rocky relationship. I feel like I was nothing to him, our good times were a lie. He died less than 3 months ago. It still feels like shock. We were together 7 years. We are 40, so I really expected a bit more from him.
He had 2 kids, I have one. My daughter considered him her dad. Worst part, he never said goodbye to my daughter. I was devastated…even worse than that, we work together! They are still together. He is obviously a very good liar or thinks he is.
All the while keeping his unknowing girlfriend. Why would he say this? Hello I ended a two year relationship back in January for the final time…. Any insight on why he would block me back?
I told him I needed time. After not responding for about a week. He sent me a text stating, my email was too late and that I should move on as he already has. He also told me he never read my email and he wants no further communication with me. I know I broke it off but I also said I needed some time. How can he move on so fast and be so head over heels for her?
Or is it even true? This has messed with my head and heart tremendously. I was with a guy for 2 months I feel hard and fast I ley my guard down BC he showed me he really cared.
I felt he really loved me and he would do anything for me without me asking he would help me out and just little things then after work I came home and looked at his phone I know untrustworthy but I felt I needed to and he was talking to his ex how he wanted her didnt want to be with me and was going to leave. He made me feel like our relationship was a lie that he was using me but when.
He was here it was like he was so in love with me.. I had a boyfriend of 1. We are both hardworking teenagers and our families are against relationships or the whole concept of dating at this age.
But both of us love each other dearly. We know each other really well. He is like family. And someday when we are both financially independent we wished to marry each other. But we fight a lot. He broke up with me twice and I guess he was afraid of commitment.
He always tried to patch up and I always used to say yes. I love him so much. This time he broke up with me and I asked him, Begged him to not give up on us again. He has done this twice. I am sick and heart broken of his excuses. He flirts with every other girl and tell me that I am the girl he ll always come back to. Should I let him go..? I love him and I know he is the one. My exboyfriend of 11 days has already found himself a date to ball.
Within a week he managed to talk to a girl and ask her to ball. Except this girl had the decency to say no. This is not the case this time. I was already dealing with the breakup and this hit me ten times harder.
She was the second best. The biggest problem was the friend group. But come this year mainly we started having fights about his friends being a priority over i.
I was always there for him, they were not. And it hurts me so bad what he did and I just want everyone to know how awful a person he is. Me and this girl even had beef before now.
And her friends are saying I sound desperate and am a jealous bitch. I was with my bf for 10 years and we had 2 amazing kids. We recently seperated and it hurts so much. I love him so much still. He decided that he needed to go because he wasnt happy. I just couldnt believe that this was it everything that we went trough.
I tried to make things work but now he tells me that he doesnt love me anymore and that the only relationship he wants with me is to co parent for the kids. When I see him , I could feel the feelings that they are still there. I just wish there was a way to make it easier. Hey Eric, Great article and I definitely agree with all of these wonderful insights!
Could you please touch on the topic of what it means when a man wants to break up but then continue to talk and communicate every day in the same lightheartedness as if nothing ever happened? I would consider those mixed signals, but Im sure the meaning is very simple. So I met this guy a week ago and we fell for eachother and just a week before we met him and his girlfriend broke up ….
I dated a guy for a year. We did the long distance thing and that while it seemed hard, we got through it. And j mean like flying across the Atlantic to see each other. When the distance was finally gone and he was here in the US, he changed. We were in the most intense love I have ever experienced and then he just seemed to fall out within a month of being in America.
Could one semester of American college rly change his views? We talked about the future plenty of times so I know we both intended for a longer relationship. How could he not be upset after all we had been through?? At the moment and for the past few months actually I like this guy, but really like. Now the catch… He broke up with his girlfriend some 9 months ago and they were really close, like going to marry close. I immediately fell for him. But yeah every time I see him again, it comes rushing back.
What can I do??? Itvs such a beautiful warm feeling, being content, a feeling of coming home. And a bit scared… He is just so wonderful, caring, warm, humorous and kind… What to do what to do what to do……. So about ten months ago I started talking to this girl online.
We played video games and whatnot. I end up getting her number and I started to flirt and next thing you know we start using the L word.. We really had a amazing connection. I really love this girl she been with me during the times I really needed someone to lean on.
Like when my brother past away. During 7 months of our relationship I never got on cam or sent her pic. I was a catfish. I was using another dude pic pretending it was me. I end up telling her and she accepted me. Like so many others, I dont even know where to begin. Reading this 2 part story has given me some insight. The man in my life fits this completely.
Although everything I know is him, he is in turn saying about me. My friends and family say its him…. Hi I was with a Narc for 12 years! We now have 3 young children. We are separated now after he started an affair with my best friend. They live just around the corner from me. I try so hard to not see him or talk to him but we have to hand over the kids to each other. I know I definitely do not want him back in any way shape or form and will be getting a divorce as soon as I am able.
Is that a normal reaction from a Narc? I get the feeling he thinks I will wait for him till he is finished with her! My life and my children lives are so much better and calmer now.
I look back now and cannot believe how sucked in I was. He alienated me from my family and friends and has pretty much fought with every single one of them! And then asked why I never stuck up for him! Ha ha what a joke. He has no relationship with his parents or sister or any of his relatives really. I feel really sad for him but happy I am not in that toxic situation anymore. This article has summed up my very experience.
I have just broken up with my ex after finding that he has been contiuously lying and cheating on me. He was using me as a comforter he has a bad back and can barely move at times , so I have been caring for him and loving him, but behind my back he has been seeing another girl for sex.
Using me for emotional support and her for sex. He has also destroyed her life through lies and played us against each other. I was close to his entire family and his mother would be devastated if she knew what he had done to me. I am torn as to whether I should let her know that her son has a problem? He drove me insane, to a point where I felt suicidal. He abused the fact I have depression and has milked me for everything I had. I see things clearer now and I am thankful for him no longer being in my life.
But I am still struggling with the repercussions and I feel like telling his mother needs help might provide me with some level of peace of mind.
She is non the wiser to his behaviour and thinks he is the perfect boyfriend. His whole family are actually oblivious to what his life is actually like. Yes tell his mother the whole truth u will feel urself better if u do it. U will heal urself its only a matter of time. They win by knowing they ruined you, thru win by keeping contact.. Hi, thanks for your response. I decided to not tell his mother, and agree with you that i believe deep down she knows what he is capable of.
Hopefully being back with my friends and family will bring me back to life and reignite my self-esteem which has since completely vanished. A year later, I stopped by again. I drove myself nuts for a while, but I find it amusing now. I was in love with a covert narcissist. In the months after I was discarded, she went picture posting crazy. The covert went full blown narcissist. She began posting 3 or 4 new selfies a week of herself.
She was begging for attention and admiration. I watched from a distance. A no contact distance. She posted so many pics that her friends quilt liking and commenting on the pics. When you have friends, 20 likes should tell you they are tired of it. The need for admiration is like starvation. When I look back at it now, I realize how strange it all was.
I fell in love with with everything that was projected back to me. She never could end a phone conversation. I had to say I love you first, so she could mirror it back. We kept looking at eachother, but nothing happened as I was in a relationship at the end of it , thought she would never be interested in me. Then one day, not long after I broke up with my previous gf, I started seeing her outside of work and we started seeing eachother.
I was all loved up, could not want anything else than her, and I was really in love, really quick. One day a friend of hers called the guy in for a drink to discuss about their couple, when he came back home she had moved away with all her stuff and some of his. I checked at work, she had taken a couple of days off, did not tell me about it, and finally got back to me in the middle of the night by text one day later.
As soon as I would get close, she would lay it face down, or tilt the screen in the opposite direction. Again, I pointed that to her for months, and she denied it. We lived litterally 2 minutes away from eachother, so I ended up waiting at her door for a couple of hours a few times. Total BS, but I swallowed it in… — I overheard a conversation she was having with a friend on the phone about a 3rd interview for a job in a different city.
When I confronted her, she mentioned her daughter had texted her for an emergency. I offered to go back on her steps to look for it and she declined.
Eventually we ended up in my place, and I checked her jacket pocket knowing her phone would be there. At this stage, I kicked her out of my place after calling her in not very nice ways to say the least. One day while trying to call her, I noticed that the phone ring was not usual. I searched a bit, and figured out she was in a different country. I emailed her to say that she was in her home country Bosnia according to the ring tone. She emailed me that I was just crazy, that I was just making things up in order to do things in her back, and that she was in the same country as I was.
She even pushed it as far as sending me her location using Viber to corroborate this. We patched up together again mostly because I was trying to , and ended up travelling a few days after this.
As I needed her passport to check-in the flights, I noticed that the passport stamps matched what I thought. This led to another oversized argument because I was rubbing facts in her face and she kept denying it. We went to my home country, she met my parents, and when we came back, she just went off-radar again. I went to her flat, and saw a car in front of it loaded with things.
I came in, and some guy was taking her stuff out of the apartment. Another load of bullshit. She eventually disappeared, after an extended sick leave at work she had not told me about. A few weeks later, she called me back, asking me to give her back an object with sentimental value she had left at my place a ring.
When i went there I noticed she was working at the company she had interviewed for earlier. One day, I had taken an extended weekend to join her and spend some time. No further explanation, not picking up the calls, not answering the messages.
I ended up at that point sleeping with my ex, honestly more out of rage than because I wanted it, but this was going too far for me. She eventually came back to me at the end of that weekend we were meant to spend together, and so we were back in that fucked-up ersatz of relationship again. The ex did not take it too well that I just had a one-night stand with her before going back to the one I love, so she texted her to explain what happened.
This led to a cataclysmic fight, and the only possibility I was given at that point was to end the relationship or come over to the city she was in and find a job there.
So… We moved in together. I was on leave from my work, looking for a job while I was living with her and her daughter, and had to go through hell because of what happened the last time she had dumped me.
I had to go for regular visits to my home city to see my company doctor, and she was texting me or calling me 60 times a day when it happened. In at least 3 occurrences, because I was not answering fast enough or because she felt I was in a mood on that morning, she called sick at her work to follow me there for the whole day.
On the other days, while I was watching her daughter, picking her up from school etc, she was spying on me through the kid. The daughter confirmed that later on to me. One day in a fight I mentioned it to the mother, she brought in the kid and asked her in front of me, which led to more shit after she said no.
Besides that, things were good living together for a few months …. We ended up coming back to my home city. She left her job After again a sick leave at the end , and did not want to let me go to the home city alone to look at flats, worried I would be looking for one only for myself.
We found a new place, and i got back to my old job, while she had found a new one. During that period, 2 major things: They have 2 offices in town, it took her 3 weeks to tell me which one she was working in.
One day, I decided I could not cope with that anymore. I told her I was leaving, and that she had exhausted all my patience. She followed me, crying and begging me on her knees, threatening me to commit suicide, started a scene in front of the police station going on her knees again uyntil the cops came out and asked us to sort out our things in private.
After we got home, I asked her to think about the whole thing and went out. It tickled my Spider-senses, so i ran back home. All my valuables were gone. Cameras, computers work and personal , my tablet, my passport. I rang her asking to bring the stuff back, and she feigned not to understand what i was talking about. After 15 minutes of phone bullshit, I called the cops.
This ended as a farce. The cops brought her outside at some point and came back with some of my belongings, but did not allow me to press charges.
They just asked us to stay quiet for her daughter and our neighbours, and left it there, while they had brought back all my things after leaving with her. It just felt out of this world as she had been caught after stealing, but the cops went soft on her and she got it her way…. The next day, friends of mine came and helped me moving out all my things. I took the offer, and obviously we ended up sleeping together again. One day, she texted me in the evening to say she was not comfortable with the situation, and that I should look for another place to stay….
When I asked to come over and pick up my suitcase at least, she remained locked in and said that she would have someone dropping it to me at work on the next day. As I was quite pissed already at being kicked out like that and on top of it not having access to my belongings, I ended up banging the door until the neighbours got involved.
She opened the door, stayed in the door frame and denied me the right to get in and get my stuff. After 10 minutes of arguig, i pushed her aside to get in, and she landed on her bottom.
After reminding the person that his rightful place was out of my sight and my relationship, I cleared out it was total BS. I offered her to come over at my new apartment as she was paying the rent alone, she declined because she didnt want to live in a place without having her name on the lease. In the meantime, I found out she actually had a flatmate… and didnt mention anything about him, even though we were back together. I went there and spoke with the guy, he confirmed he lived there pretty much since I left.
At that point , her friend who threatened me in the past came to me multiple times and asked me not to get in touch with her. He got me the rest of my belongings she had kept, as well as the money she owed me, but told me not to get in touch with her again…. Life went by for me … a month later I was taking some time off with a friend of mine, and we slept together. I also got back in touch with an ex, as we met in work and she asked me how I was, I explained to her the whole story. We did not get involved again, but spoke a lot back then.
Comes January this year. We bumped into eachother again. This time I dont believe it was accidentally, because she got invited to a party organised by my employer through her friends. The conversation there did not go very nicely, as she was throwing a lot of accusations in the world at me. One of them included was right, but the rest was again total made-up bs … She got me so angry on that evening that I kissed somebody else on that evening.
And people went to her to say it, which prompted another wave of incendiary messages. We ended up going back together a week after. She had come to me to say she was pregnant from November, and I thought that was maybe the switch moment for her. She had told me a billion times she thought I could not commit, that I should go to therapy, so I did 2 things I would have never considered before: And so back to square one.
We were seeing eachother pretty much every day, but she would start fights out of nowhere. She would be extremely secretive about many things, particularly her phone, but could freely roam into mine. She wouldnt add me back on facebook as a friend. Even call a couple of exes to say i got engaged and that what happened between us didnt mean a thing. I tended to start fights because I felt she was asking me a lot, but at the same time was not giving back a lot herself.
I eventually told her I slept with someone in December and got in touch with one specific person too. She took that as the ultimate weapon to put back in my face every time. Because I didnt tell her earlier, my whole proposal was a lie. We went to Spain for a few days, a month ago. On the first evening, I wanted to tag a picture of us on fb.
So it brought up the topic on the table. I just asked her to make it unless she wanted to hide it away from her other loves interests. She stood up , stormed out of the bar. When I asked her to talk and tried to reasons her, she just told me she wanted to go back to the flat, take her suitcase and passport, and she would go find another accomodation. I tried to reason, and 2 times, she just stopped to tell me she couldnt talk to me, that I was not listening, and that she would go to the flat with the Spanish Police to get her things, while i was trying to reason her.
After we did this 3 times, I let her go away and blow off some steam I noticed that the first thing she did was pulling out her phone and have a call as soon as she was 20 meters away and stayed at the same place. She came back there 20 minutes after, telling me that I had abandoned her in Madrid, That I didnt care about her and that I would have been responsible if anything had happened to her because her phone was malfunctioning and she did not have the address for the accomodation….
After we came back from Madrid, things got weirder. I made her do a pregnancy test, which turned negative. The next day, she came back saying she had another one, and it was positive this time … so the baby part looked like a big big lie again….
At this point I lost it, and a slap went off automatically. That was the first time of my life I did this, and I really didnt feel good about it. And when I apologized, the next thing she did was dragging me to a police station, to put in writing that i had slapped her. The next day her previously threatening friend called me again. Threated to kill me if i didnt leave the country and my job. Threatened my family abroad, citing their full names.
The next day, when i spoke to her about that, the only answer i got was: The last thing that hit me is that I called her work the day after the slap to talk. Also that she was on sick leave for a good couple weeks… when confronted with that, the answer was the same … people are lying.
I can;t stop thinking of her. She has control over all communication methods we have She blocked everything, the only way I hear from her is when she actually calls me or texts me. Now at this point we have been apart for 3 weeks. I could not go no-contact yet, and trying to get in touch with her made me aware that she went abroad. Now the second part that worries me, is that It feels I have some of these symptoms as well… and when I think about it, these symptoms are not something I used to do before the relationship, but that developed since I got with her.
Thanks for taking the time to read all this … I tried to be as honest as I could and omitted some passages obviously, but I tried not to give too much of a bias either. You fell in love with an illusion. What you fell in love with was not real. You were only there to admire the person. Thanks this article has really helped me understand that perhaps my ex is also a narc. I just wondered if anyone would give a second opinion on this? I have recently broken up with a person who seems to display narc behaviour.
I had been with him nearly 2 years and this is the second time he has broken up with me. I forgave him for lying about these things but I realise now they should have set off alarm bells really. After about 6 months together he started texting another girl inappropriately, We spent the weekend together and he would hide his phone or move away from me to text her. They had never met but he made out like it was her pushing for it but I managed to contact her and she said very different and showed me some of the texts he sent her and they were awful for example he would joke about calling her his girlfriend.
But what I found worse was that he had lied that her mum had died that was so sick in my eyes! He told me that it was purely for the attention she gave him. But I forgave him he promised nothing like that would happened again and for a year it was perfect I was so happy that I had given him the chance.
He made me feel everything was okay. A couple of days later we had arranged that I would stay over at his house but after a while of me being there he dumped me and it felt very out of the blue.
To soon find out that he had been seeing this girl before during and after we had got back together still. He said that he had kissed her and he had arranged to stay in a hotel with her in the following day!!! He was crying very hard saying he wanted to kill himself and he felt it would be easier if I hated him and how he self harmed at work etc.
I said that I would give him a last chance and said I think he should get therapy. Everything seemed perfect again for a month over Christmas everything went back to how it used to be. He would tell me he wanted to spend the rest of his life making me happy and how much he loved me and only ever wanted to be with me, how cheating was the biggest mistake of his life etc.
He agreed to meet me two weeks later in the town but he kept saying he wanted me to bring his jumper that I had and I had just come from university so I said okay we can just talk in my room which was a mistake. He was cuddling and kissing me and we were talking like normal which led me to think he had changed his mind and we ended up sleeping together. I asked if he had lied when he said he knew he wanted to marry me the week before we broke up in a restaurant. I came across the idea that he may be displaying narcissistic behaving so looked into it.
I hope he leaves me alone from now on but my counsellor said she would bet money that he will text me again. He would send me messages that his partner, women had sent him just to make me jealous.
He cannot hold down a job because he finds it difficult to work for a boss. He has failed at all attempts to work for himself. I have finally seen the light. I have finally ended it with the Narc. I had 2 and a half years of HELL. He lived with a woman all that time. She contacted me and bad mouthed him calling him a cheater yet remained and slept in the same bed but no intimacy with him she told me that Which explains why I was his sex supply only.
We went out on dates, holidays he came to my house etc.. Then it all waned and I found him on a dating site. He never stopped chatting to any of his women. He had online sex with these unsuspecting women also. I left for the first time. He said he was trying. They were also his online girlfriends. These unsuspecting women sent him many many intimate videos and pics of themselves which he still keeps.
I gave him nothing I also noticed he sent many selfies of himself to me and all his other women. He loves designer clothes, needs to be part of the racing club , bought a flashy car. Everything is owned by the woman he lives with.
We fought all the time. I never gave in. I had to end it after her betrayal. She had to know that anyone with a microbe of self esteem would end the relationship after what she did. What was the betrayal? I was smeared behind my back which I took as a betrayal. I was promised a better future, commitment and loyalty but similarly heard nothing back!
I agree, it seems so effortless. What I liked about this article is that it speaks in simple, short sentences with lots of breaks. I like that the writer makes it clear, because this is something victims have a hugely hard time understanding, that they were dealing with someone who has less emotional recall than the average house pet.
My ex used to devastate me with his capacity to utterly forget every important thing I thought! They were everything to ME. That…was a hard pill to swallow. I thought we were so in love, but I can completely see all the signs he was playing me…. But I did swallow it. You are the only person in your life who can never leave you. I have misgivings about this — I think it undoes almost completely what had been mostly a good message until then: How dare you have boundaries in the presence of his spectacular self?
It is not good advice for a person dealing with a narcissist. Take it from me, because I have tried to outgame the narcissist. Because they have no feelings and you do. Because what you have to do to play the game on their level will damage your psyche. Then you feel crazy. Tada, the narc has succeeded. Leave the field and let him punt the ball to whomever happens to be standing there.
I once was almost dying physically from the mental abuse. You can do this, trust me. Hello Nicole, Thank you for your mail. Now with retrospect I can see the red flags, I see a shift in his behaviour.
I was emotionally dependent on him. When I felt strong enough I broke away from the relationship. This has been an incredible journey for me. I ended a 7 month relationship with an NC that also in my opinion is an alcoholic. It was the typical scenerio described in these comments and I fell into the victim role as they call it. I also wonder however, if there is also something the victim gets out of it.
I can say that I did like the highs,the fears and the power I saw in the NC. The fearless confidence and alpha male qualities were mesmerizing. It is not just the NC, it takes two to tango. I disagree, we engaged and ignored our screaming intuition.
We found some kind of intoxication from it and at some point realized there was danger getting so close to the devil. It was exciting yet destructive experience and something about those highs and lows can be attractive but like any fire it burns out and dust is left behind. I could manipulate, use and be self absorbed.
The difference I see thought is I did not have intention to destroy anothers psych, I simplly was self protecting and in a insecure point in life. With NC, if you have a sense of self they soon realize it wont work,strong people do not allow NC to continue once they learn the game. I realized he was trying to convert me to a homogonized stepford wife and I was not having it. That ended it on the spot. I do miss the fire and passion. I miss the intensity and the highs and lows but I also need my sanity, security and safe love from a man.
I will look for my drama in more positive arenas like acting, dancing and writing. No need for all that craziness in an unloving NC relationship. Find your passions and desire for intensity in more positive venues and find someone that truly loves you, better yet create passion with them.
Hello, You bring up a lot of interesting points. If you accept and are submissive then there are no problems. In any given culture, there are ways people are expected to behave, and there are unusual—even extreme—behavioral patterns. Narcissism, to be sure, frustrates our contemporary consensus of what constitutes healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.
When someone places a premium on her or his wishes even at the expense of others—especially those very close to her or him, this naturally creates the potential for grave emotional problems, as the article above outlines. But these are rudimentary empirical findings, not a robust model of cognitive and social development.
But there is no convergent, convincing molecular, neurological, or robust clinical evidence substantiating any illness in people whose behavior the rest of us consider narcissistic. They are very different, and for most of us very unpleasant. But their behavior may simply be a natural variant of human behavior. Yes, being loved feels good and we know clinically is associated with physiological and even survival advantages.
Yes, feeling entitled to something may motivate us to work harder to make it come true. I must say after reading this article I fit into the category very well. I do not believe the fact that people cannot change is valid though. If someone truley has regret about the way the relationship ended and knows the damage they have done while at the same time deep down, where only the feeling of true love resides is in their heart, once their wrongdoing becomes so apperant they can realize it through and through if given one final chance could harness all the evil done and actually turn it into five times as much love and appreciation.
The damage done before can never be taken away but with the right chance can only be overpowered by true love. People can and do change everyday. They can overcome their own personal problems blocking their true self. I know because I am in this transition now. When I reached my lowest point and begged God to takeaway the barriers and blocks in my brain and let my true unfiltered sole shine it became clear.
Once all the hatered, uncertainty and controlling ideas that are simply false are removed all that remains is pure love to give. I realize now how stupid and selfish my every action was before and if given the final chance know without doubt that love would not be wasted a second longer and could right the wrongs.
I lost my hope and faith many years ago but thanks to my faith being restored when I am not worthy for it my hope and joy has returned stronger than I could ever imagine and is begging to be seen.
I know this to be true because I do understand that major damage was done and my own feelings are not the only involved as I so carelessly did before. I had my chances and wasted every single one. I know in my heart I would never hurt her again but do not expect or honestly deserve the opportunity again and must respect that and live with it for the rest of my days.
It will not go wasted though as my children and family members deserve the same good man I I never could be with her even as bad as I thought I wanted to. This is everything I can do as a decent person from now forward. I must carry it to remind me exactly what is not true love. I am so glad I stumbled upon this.
I was dumped twice by my ex who I can see was a narc. Part 1, it was like I was reading a story about me and my experiences. It made me cry but opened up my eyes. When you are in that situation; you do not see it for what it is. I showed my friend this article today, and asked him to be honest, was my relationship with my ex like this. He said it described him to a tee. Because i desperately do.
He has a new gf now, he is different with her, he even moved for her. But he made the same promises for me; only he actually followed through with them for her. J — I am sorry for your pain. It DOES get better—a lot better. The new gf will learn, too.
I have noticed, though, that as they get older and their desperation increases, they CAN become more compromising, especially if they stand to gain. Honor your feelings, as you are doing, and keep stepping forward, and you will be surprised where life will lead you. Eventually, you will click with a guy. Wishing you the very best as you move forward. I also was in a 1yr relationship with a narc.
I has also dated this man a couple of other times in my younger years. His behaviour was always off, but being young I thought that was normal. Over the years he would always contact me every now and then out of the blue. He would call me at home or work. I was in a long-term relationship with the father of my children at the time and had no interest, until he contacted me after we had decided to finally part ways.
I was the worst year of my life! Here are just some of the things I dealt with… name calling, beaten on, spit on, dozens of phone calls all day from him while he was at work…where are you? He did this to me so often, I thought I was losing my mind and he was very good and convincing me that these were true.
He had a key for my place, I would wake up to him sitting beside me on the bed staring at me in the wee hours of the morning on his was to work. He did not want me to have contact with my friend or my mother. I could sit here for hours on end as I still have all these nightmares placed in the back of my head.
I could have taken the physical abuse anyday over the verbal and mental abuse. I loved this man with all of my heart. That was 4yrs ago, NC at all. A week ago my nightmare paid me a visit a work. We will have this amazing relationship. He told me he has been thinking about this day of coming back for a while, he has always something for me. He came into my work again today talking to me.
This was a very interesting read, thank you! I have been finding it very helpful reading through other peoples experiences to try and understand my own and move past it.
My own experience with a narcissist was my partner of 6 years on and off and the father of my daughter. I think the relationship was doomed from the beginning but I wanted it to work so badly I completely lost myself in the process.
I fell pregnant very quickly and even when he broke up with me because I refused to abort our daughter I still tried my best to get him back, and he did but even now he says to me although he loves our daughter he has always and will always resent me for having her, which is disgusting. He broke up with me numerous times over the years, decided he wanted to be single, would go do whatever for weeks or months then come back and say he missed his family and wanted to try again, and each and every time I would and that meant dealing with what he had done and who he had been with every time too.
At our last and final break up 5 months ago, I was a shell of my former self. He would berate me every day and tell me I looked better before having our daughter when at most I put on 5kgs the entire 6 years we were together, he would scoff and look me up and down when I would tell him to stop calling me fat. He would get drunk and angry and come home and verbally abuse me calling me every name you could think of. He would always blame me for his moods, and I never knew what they would be, it was walking on eggshells every day.
If I ever disagreed with him or told him he was anything other than perfect he would clam up and refuse to talk to me. He would yell at me about the most mundane things and criticize everything I did.
He would control everything including money. I have now broken away from him and the change in me was amazing. I no longer have to come home wondering what type of mood he is in and whether I had to shut up that day or not. I am slowly getting better but he has tried, several times this time around to convince me to go back.
And in very hurtful ways. He is now moving in with someone he met 2 weeks after I ended it, and along every step he has tried to hurt me as much as possible. I have been trying to tell myself this is just a rebound and I have no doubt it is, as he was still contacting me 3 weeks into his official relationship with her telling me he wanted to come back, so I stopped contact and it was great.
All words designed to hurt me. I experienced a breakup with such a person over 23 years ago. We dated 6 months. The last time I saw him at his boat-six women showed up and he took out the boat so they could water ski. He ignored my requests to return to shore such that I could use the restroom. I felt peace about never seeing him again. I enrolled in college courses. He contacted me about a month later.
I met him and he had nothing to say. I left without him saying a word. I was single living alone and experienced someone picking my locks to gain entrance everywhere I moved.
Every entry door promptly had latch bolts added. Coworkers asked me if I had any problems living alone-I told them what I was experiencing.
I thought there question was odd. Later coworkers informed me that the person who was breaking in worked there. I thought this was even odder.
I was shopping at the market and was accosted and solicited by someone. I found a friendly coworker and began a conversation with him on the basis that someone was bothering me. I told people at work a crazy person bothered me at the market and this friendly coworker gave me some peace. My supervisor told me there was something going on that put me on the top of the layoff list that I could not control. I thought this keeps getting odder. I searched the email address list and found he worked there.
I called his extension and asked when he started working there. He would not answer and acted like he was upset I contacted him. My mail was stolen out of my mailbox and the police officer told me the perpetrator said it had nothing to do with me personally. I thought this is getting even odder. I installed a locking mailbox. I continuously bothered by different men at Costco, Meijer, etc.
This is the model of the car I drove when I dated him. A different person at work drew a picture of where his boat was docked at metro beach while remaining mute. My mail was stolen out of the locking mailbox. A coworker who shared my cube told me about someone stating that he stole my mail again and liked it-probably skilled at lock picking. One week later another coworker mentioned stalking. Another week later I was laid off. An inside call came in to my desk at work when I answered I found it was him.
He asked me if I was being laid off. I told him I prefer it when we are not talking and hung up. I was still being called a Camaro by various men at the market shopping during work hours. I purchased a cell phone detector to detect a gps tracker on my vehicle. I hope this is over. I doubt it is. Thanks for calling it like it is. He recently told one of my friends he was just trying to get me to a state of erotica and he is going to stop.
I also think my friend is now a frenemy, because, she believed him. I think I finally won the battle. I hope the same for all who post here! The same themes come through -Trust, fidelity, lies, arguments, manipulation, play acting and for me, flash in the pan clues that my narc would drop into conversation, then endeavouring to cover-up with humour!
Listen to your gut and trust your first response. My narc was needy initially and honest about this in debt, de-motivated but agreed to therapy and was categorically told he was pathetic and stuck in an immature phase of life. You must treat them like children -Boundaries and always follow-through on a threat to leave.
Sandra, thanks for posting your thoughts. I am in the same space as you. You are right, our experience with the NARC life is a lesson to take into the future. The bad juju gives us a sixth sense about relationships and our selves. I will never let a person walk all over me or be my moon, sun, and stars!
Leveling Up: Dating Out Of Your League
Thank you Vintage-Victoria for responding. Nope, no can do for people who give me a bad vibe. And it does take a while to recover fully. A friend of mine asked me recently if my ex had yet left my body. What a great question!!! Letting go of them takes time—until one day you look back, and you see that they no longer live with you.
I spent more than two years lugging his corpse around! We get through it, and we learn. Hi, thanks for the article. As a Narc, he always says girls like him, trying to hit on him wherever he goes. He says he can tell when a girl is interested in him.
My Life With A Narcissist - Part 2 - What I've Learned
He really thinks many people are stupid and he even said to me about how stupid my friends were. He also said he used to sleep with a lot of women to show he has the power in college because as someone who wants to be the president of US, sleeping with many women also show his strength. My biggest merit is honesty. Fourth, he has a very distant relationship with his family. Apparently he did not want to respect my way of thinking… Seventh, he kept calling me crazy, immature, overreacting etc.
I talked less to my friends and his friends because I felt they are all on his side. For a long time, I had no self-esteem. I wanna know if I was with a Narc and manipulator so at least next time I can make better choice… Please help. I still see the posts in my email inbox. I got a lot of help from this site, and I hope that you do, too.
Your post compelled me to reply. First, I am so sorry for your pain. I know that it hurts like hell, and you are going through it right now. Know that it IS possible to recover from all of this, and you will. Chalk it up to how life goes, ok? It will pass—and it will pass faster if you get support, especially face-to-face support, as well as online forums. Not sure how long you were with this man. Less is often more during a break-up; that is, if you were with him for a short while, you can recover more quickly because you have less invested.
Sometimes, someone comes into your life for half-a-minute and wreaks total havoc. Your ex sounds like a narc. It sounds robotic…like a throw-away line. What about YOUR definition of success?? You deserve far more than this awful man. Most politicians are HIGH on the narcissism scale. Their spouses can keep them.
Your ex is like a preacher-type—many of them are also narcs. They want to help people and save people, too, and some of them are dreadful at home. I wanted mine back, too. But they are toxic—like dipping yourself into the polluted Animus River in Colorado. I am a MUCH older person than you are—old enough to be your mom. Listen to mom here: All of these things are important in a relationship, and a good man—or woman—will respect them. So, stay the course, and stay NC.
Lily, I am sending you love and strength through cyberspace. You can do this. Bless your precious heart as you move forward. I know you wrote this response to someone else and you wrote it a number of months ago, but I hope you get this message. Your reply really touched me at a time when I really need it. I have known that I have been involved with a narcissist for years.
Our relationship was amazing at first, but then I started catching on to things. I started finding out about other women and his lies and falsifications. I started to see his egotistical self, yet I stayed.
It has been over four years now. I left after the first year — distraught and heartbroken. The push and pull broke me. I felt so lost. Three long months after I left, I still did not know the real him , he came back and said everything I dreamed he would. He was in therapy and he seemed to really be growing. We took trips and I fell so much deeper in love with this man. It was a beautiful couple months, but soon enough he started showing signs of wear again. He started breaking down.
He did not even look good. In less than a year, he broke up with me, stating he could not commit no matter how hard he tried and he was really struggling with himself. Shortly after this I found out he had been dating someone else and I am almost sure it overlapped with me. I called him on it and he had to admit it. He stated that it was a reaction to our breakup and he made a mistake. He drew me in somehow and played with me all summer while still entertaining this other woman.
I was like a dead person walking. Every single day was painful. I was either trying to get his attention or crying alone in my bed. I finally decided to walk away — again.
What I've Learned From An Eastern European Girlfriend - The 3 Bromigos
Like clockwork, two months later he tracked me down at an event and convinced me to go out with him afterwards. We spent the night together with him telling me over and over how I was the one for him and he does not want to live without me. By Christmas, I caught him with someone else — the same woman from before. He groveled and pleaded and guess what?
I let it go on like this for another YEAR. Which brings me to today. I decided to move across the country in September. This decision was partly because of him and partly because of circumstances. He did not like me leaving at all even though we were not together. He ended up visiting only 3 or 4 weeks after I moved.
We spent a beautiful weekend together and he made many promises to me. Promptly after he left I felt a palpable shift. I was heartbroken and empty. I went into NC and it took him getting one of his staff to call me and ask me to come work for him over the holidays for me to give in.
In four years he had never asked that! Now I am across the country and suddenly he wants me that close? Each time with me feeling more and more hurt. I just wanted him to tell me to come back and change and make everything right.
Kyle is an entrepreneur and nomad who has been living abroad since He blogs at This Is Trouble. Follow him on Facebook. Things that I assumed about relationships have been proven false. Issues that arose from my relationships with Western girls have been absent with the Ukrainian. Overall, my outlook has changed drastically. This is for many reasons.
The overall attitudes and mannerisms of women in Eastern Europe are drastically different. In some areas my expectations have been exceeded, but I keep myself grounded.
You really have to string them along and make her beg and plead for you to be an exclusive couple. But the pride of Western girls prevents them from asking you for at least a few months. The sex and the city lifestyle. And that matters, because she can brag about it to her friends to feel valued. Never underestimate the value of attention. Attention to girls is what sex is to guys. All we really do is trade them. Same goes for parents albeit that seems to come later.
I look back and remember very few things, simply because many dates were very, very similar. Because I did what worked. Instead, my routine followed something more like this:. There is an innate curiosity about the world. A desire to learn and to broaden her intellectual capacity. A perfect example is this: Despite the low number, the look of elevation and accomplishment is just something I never saw on the face of a Western girl. They all seemed far more interested in just watching reality television.
Simply put, girls in Eastern Europe want to please their guy. However, they manage to do this while still being reasonably independent.
But despite that, she still wants to make me happy. She manages to be strong and independent and yet feminine at the same time. This is a skill and balance that definitely seems to escape most of the girls in the west—even if they are deeply in love with you.
She manages to make me feel needed, and yet not needed at the same time. It can be difficult at time dating someone from a drastically different culture language , anyone?
But the pros absolutely outweigh the cons. She has added tremendous value to my life, and even has taught me a few things about the world. I wonder how things will continue to go in the longer-term with her.