Dating when you are 40

Best Dating Sites for Over 40 Singles Reviews

Kids were never on my To Do List. Another change I noticed? I literally fell off the island of Manhattan as far as OK Cupid was concerned. My profile views included very, very few peeks from men between 37 and 47 in New York City.

I was the Belle of The Ball for men in the suburbs, though. The true sign of being 40 and single on a dating site? That would be the emails from something brahs. The second was frustration.

By 42, I had started to become quite comfortable with the idea that it may end up being just me for the foreseeable future. Rather than burn myself out, I decided to embrace it. Kids were not on the menu.

Marriage was unlikely for some time if at all. With those two things off the table, I realized that there was no reason for me not to take advantage of my options. Quite a few, I began to learn. Especially once I clearly identified what it was that I sought. Not having as many dates forced me to become really comfortable being alone. I have always been someone enjoyed my own company. Getting cozy with me and creating various networks and outlets oh hai, xoJane that had nothing to do with dating provided a great source of interaction and stimulation.

I never felt like I had to go out because it was date night. I stopped caring about that. I know women who refuse to log on to a dating site or send a tweet on Saturday evenings after 8pm because they are terrified people might think they're sadsters sitting by themselves on a Friday night trolling OK Cupid. I refused to live like that. I also stopped caring about the long-term potential of a certain person and chose to simply enjoy their company.

Once I re-organized my relationship priorities, I redefined my audience. While I have yet to be able to consider a guy in his twenties, I stopped ignoring the men in their mid-thirties. I started getting more dates. I just chose the path of least resistance.

I Turned 40 And Everything About My Dating Life Changed

I channeled my dating energies toward the men who did want me. My visitors list was a goldmine. I would have replied. If they requested more pictures or asked probing questions, I declined. The process is not the same in every state, and there is a lot of proof to what he said. It is true that both parties are not held to the order, which is crazy. Have you never known people that went through this? I have seen that where women I know have taken out restraining orders and then later, start contacting him, and go to meet with him.

In fact, more often than not, the guy will insist that if she wants to meet, it has to be at his place, or his car, because he is under the false assumption that this gives him standing if they are caught together, or if she tries to get him arrested for violating the order. Yes there are cases where both men and women legitimately need protective orders against the other person, but there are many who do it as a way to gain the upper hand in a divorce, or some other situation.

I do have a friend who works in this system, where the order is applied for, and she said it is ridiculous how often this is abused. But, she said the reason it happens is because too many people take it lightly. Big deal, a restraining order. It is far more than just an official order telling you to stay away from somebody you may want to stay away from anyway. And in this information age, it is only going to get worse. If you think I am lying, go sit in a court where they award these restraining orders.

You may have to people there, responding to an summons, but it is a good day if even a half dozen have a lawyer. And my friend told me that with a lawyer, most of the orders would not be granted.

A lawyer knows what to ask, to prove that it is BS, and a lawyer knows the law, and what is and is not allowed. Not to mention that it is somewhat of a country club deal. The DO want it to be worth it to hire the lawyer. I totally agree with that sounding like he has fist hand knowledge of restraining orders.. He sounds like the stalker I had.. My advice, date wisely, listen to your inner spirit and red flags-.

An order is an order, no matter how much you claim he was manipulated. I agree with Carol. You sound like the Puppet Master of Drama. You seek out unstable woman. You take no responsibility. The attorney is not talking about drama in an established relationship that you chose to continue. She is talking about single woman making smart safe choices.

Men do not get date rapped, stalked, or murdered. You do not fear that. You have no clue speaking out about something you know nothing about. They go back because they have no where else to go and abuse is all they know. I think looking for ways to expand your social circle is just as practical, if not more productive than online dating. Take classes, join fitness groups, find the community social events, get involved in a fundraiser, crash AA meetings KIDDING , learn to golf, join a country club, if you have a dog, make friends at the dog park.

DOn't just focus on meeting men, or even friends, just try to make more social acquiantances and expand your social world. And if your kids find anyone cool to try to make a match with, give it a shot — they will screen out the weirdos! Victoria — Hey, have you ever heard about the serial killer who preys on year-old women that he met on Match.

Serial killer, no — but certainly plenty of abusive, sexually driven or just plain creepy men! While I would not advocate living by fear, and common sense will help to screen potential dates, to make a comment like Evan — that implies that there is no rational basis for fearing online dating — is both judgmental and wrong.

One is more likely to die in a car accident than from an aviation accident. By your reckoning, we should cater to people suffering from agoraphobia? I dont find it scary in a safety sense. You have to be smart, meet at a coffee shop, make sure your car is right in front, etc. No matter how great your profile is, its initially about the photo.

The odds are not great. There is also the fade-off that I experience 10 times out of Well actually I havent had 10 connections to speak of but.. The interest, then not interested. I keep my profile up, but I dont expect much!

She lived for a few hours before she died alone in her own garage.

What Dating After 40 Is Like for Men

Woman need to be safe and make smart choices. It just means smart, safe choices. If someone gives you bad vives, go with it and forget about being nice and polite.

I am glad this is a big joke to you Evan. Try to understand where woman come from and be respectful. Men can very easily over power us. Not all men have good intentions. I understand that online dating can be scary, but it doesn't have to be! If you met a stranger in line at the grocery store, you'd likely meet him in public places on dates until you were comfortable having him in your home or going to his. The same rules apply in on line dating! Your instincts shouldn't change no matter where you meet a man.

Usually, unless you meet someone through work or friends and in each case, you'd have some frame of reference about who this man is , the first several dates are usually in public. The nice thing about match. At the end of the day, it is about keeping your wits about you and staying tuned into what your gut is telling you about the guy.

A strategy that I've used that has served me well is that I text at least two friends to give them the guy's first and last name, his phone number and the name of the place we are meeting and the time that we are meeting.

This has worked wonderfully!! As women, we can always excuse ourselves to go to the restroom and if there is a problem with the date, you can phone a friend or text a friend, or if you are having a great time which you probably will after being coached by Evan , you can send a text to your friends or family saying you are fine and that you are having a great time!! The take home message here is to come up with a plan for your safety and you will be just fine.

Also, if you spend some time getting to know him on the phone a few conversations over the course of several days before you actually meet, you will get a pretty good feel for him!! Go for it and see what happens!! This is the argument for online dating? All the prior responses to mine have had great ideas. Mostly I everyone including Evan is saying just get out there….

There are no specifics unfortunately. I definitely have discovered that myself. Mara was so right. Hang in there there are alot of us in the same boat. Online dating is foreign to alot of us. Eventually you will find your way through. Give it a try and if you don't like it then just stop. I have been on Plenty of Fish and numerous others. Plenty of Fish I have stuck with…meeting some nice gentlemen.

Give it a try…just be smart and wise about who and where to meet…. The normal guy off the street could also be a threat but you don't that right off the bat right? Same thing with online dating. Relax, enjoy meeting people everywhere. But there are so many other dating sites out there though, and there are Meetups and dating clubs. Personally, I think that being new in town is a great lead-in for a profile.

You could write a catchy headline based on being the "new kid on the block", looking for someone to show you the city! I have an over friend who won't do online dating because it feels too "artificial". She'll occasionally go to a meet-up or an event she's interested in, but basically, she just doesn't date at all. Online dating can be fine depending on where you live. Re online dating being scary — I once took another friend with me when I caught up with the guy — I think he thought it a bit wierd but I am still unsure why.

We are more comfortable around friends and meeting somewhere public for coffee especially with another friend seems wise. Others I know,male and female, just do it more subtley, have friends just happening to be in the same place or sitting a few tables away. Places to meet — anywhere that interests you… just meander, take it slowly. Stop and smell the roses. Smile and laugh — that will attract the men to you. This dynamic between how men approach online dating is very interesting to me.

Mens attitude is basically whats the big deal? Lets meet and see if we have chemistry. For some women, it just seems like dating online is such a big deal, such a big commitment.

Its coffee and conversation, not marriage! Relax, use common sense, and have fun. Dating should be fun. I agree that dating should be fun. I can respect a man that just says that up front more than one who pretends he wants more. I just canceled my Plenty Of Fish account. The software wouldn't let me update my profile unless I provided Plenty Of Fish with information about income. The owner of the site decided he needed that information for a matching function he created and he is cutting features off for POF members who do not provide that information.

As women, we need to be cautious, but there's a line between being cautious and seeing killers everywhere. I suppose that's the difference — your dating expectations.

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How do you know if you like someone and may want to get to know them better until you have spent some time hanging out. Why does it need to be one on one?

This is why the singles dinner groups are so popular. You get to meet new people in small groups where they are more likely to be relaxed. I used to hold parties regularly and invite a few singles just so they would have the opportunity to meet other singles and relationships, friendship or potential romantic ones, could develop naturally.

Top 10 Best Over 40 Dating Sites for Single Women Over 40

I suspect very strange reactions when she tried hard to convince who she was. Then I caught her mistakes. I played with her how far she could go with lies.

I still do not know where I can find single woman. Volunteer, extra activities, going park, you do not have time to do if you have children at home. I could not find any extra time to do, so I turned on-line dating service.

How to Meet Single Women When You Are Over 40 | Dating Tips

I hear all this talk about instant chemistry which is great but I still want to like you. How you interact with my friends and other people does matter. Men are very visual by nature so they are primarily interested in how we look initially. What they do not underdtand is that it takes us woman a while to decide if we even like them.

Tips to start dating when you are over 40 -

They have to make an effort and invest in us first. It seems like the men on dating sites, only want a hookup and no effort on their part. I think you are smart. Do what makes you comfortable and is fun for you. The great thing about it is if the date sucks, you do not like him, you can still hang out with your friend and have fun. Like Evan said by the end of your first full day on Match.

Let's ask all the guys on here,which one of us wouldn't cut off a testicle just to have those numbers to be possible for men? Oh yeah,and you'll probably never have to pull out your wallet. On a different note I've noticed a lot of people in our area are using Meetup. You just join a "Meetup group" that has your interests and go hang out when they have a get together.

You can see pics of all the people in the group on each site but people don't say any stats about themselves like a noraml dating site ie: Is he trying to match people based on comparable incomes? I was raised that a person's income is no one else's business. I would be put off by such an inquiry on an internet site. Wonder what they were doing with such information. This isn't rocket science. The world is filled with men and women. There's no secret place to go.

It's how you meet the men or women who are all around you. Do something that you're passionate about. You might meet new people. You'll definitely seem more interesting to anyone you meet. You're willing to ask a complete stranger on the internet for dating advice, but you think it's horrible that the people closest to you keep trying to introduce you to men who meet their approval? Given that the worst case scenario is that you meet someone you're not interested in, I'd say your nightmares are really bland.

I sing in a church choir. I go to a couple yoga classes each week. I go to the dance studio and out dancing a few evenings per week. I go to the free outdoor theater…. Every day you're someplace where you can meet men. Do you know what to do when you're there? Has this been an effective strategy? Why do you need to know where he works? Are you going to tell him where you work? Cathy, Ok- what you're talking about- groups of singles hanging out, is different from what I thought you were saying.

I totally agree with that. I thought you meant bringing girlfriends along on dates with guys- as in, like a 'chaperone' from Jane Austen novels. I've been doing online dating on and off for almost a decade now, and never once have I felt that I was in danger, nor, I might add, have I ever taken the precautions some here describe.

It's so baffling to hear these fears about the safety or the stigma or anything else somehow associated with online dating, especially now after so many years it's been popular that it has become the prevalent way of meeting people. Demanding personal info from complete strangers, Googling them for verification, bringing a friend! In abandoned warehouses in secluded areas? Why all the paranoia? So you been doing online dating on and off for a bout a decade? Who knows what they were doing on there while talking to you or if they even stopped after dating in person.

And forget about if if your are christian looking for a christian man. I tend to think of online dating as the most efficient. I met my wife online our social circles would never have crossed otherwise.

Her two oldest daughters met their husbands online. Her youngest daughter met her boyfriend probably husband next year online. I appreciate your comment — and recognize that my answer was glib.

Intentionally so, to make a point. So, believe me, I really do understand the plight of single women better than any of your other fiftysomething married women friends. And while I could clearly have shown more sensitivity to you, my feelings remain the same. Yes, you are going to have a greater concern for your safety than men.

Yet you should be far more concerned about being seduced by a Nigerian scammer who wants money than you should be worried about some year-old lonely man turning violent. I have heard many incidents of financial fraud against women over 50, and NO incidents regarding physical safety.

As such, your fear is more in your mind than in reality. I'd say online dating is the norm now, even for much younger people who typically have access to many more singles in their age range. Evan 24, I spent a lot of time lately shutting down Nigerian scammers; the good news is, they give themselves away. You can pretty much flush them out immediately and get rid of them. I guess there is still sort of a stigma with online dating, but so many people do it these days that it's kinda silly.

After all, there was a day and time when we used to have mail order brides. I don't know if I will meet "the one" online; I don't even know if I will meet him "offline".

It's just an option for increasing opportunities. As someone who has yet to try online dating, what I find unappealing about it is that it is essentially going on rounds of "blind dates". I've been on blind dates, either as set up by friends, or in two cases, men I met through an internet venue and find I much prefer to meet people in casual settings. That said, unless you have a huge social circle, or a convenient "gray bar", it can be difficult to meet new people in middle age. I smirk when I read about meeting men in grocery stores — how often does that actually happen?

I've been grocery shopping literally thousands of times and I don't think I've ever had so much as a casual conversation with a man in the produce aisle. Or any other aisle. So, I think if a person really wants to meet someone for a relationship, internet dating sites are certainly an option worth exploring. I know many of you hold jobs…and go to coffeehouses, family restaurants, etc. I thought it was just me, where is everybody? I would love to meet a single man in person but no one talks to each other anymore.

I get whistled at, stared at and comments made toward me but that is it. I am going to try going to a new place twice a week and see if environment changes anything. And yes, older women are a big target group for predatory men.

Not necessarily for the serial killer kind of predator, but for the financial scammers. There are many indicating that stalking happens mostly among young people.

Considering that stalking often has a connection to lust e. Your email address will not be published. Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting. There are two big problems in dating. Now, take a look….

Where Do I Meet Single Men If I'm In My 40s?

This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing: Her mother has a weekends-only job and never has her overnights or even in…. I learned from you something revelatory: He was gentle, tough, hugely insightful and extremely accurate at decoding a man's words, his actions, his lack of action, his likely intentions.

It was like having a direct line to a man's "private talk. He makes me feel special, goes out of his way for me, doesn't keep me guessing about whether I'll hear from him, gives me his full attention.

Now, I feel like when I go with the flow and stop trying to control any given situation, things fall into place. You provide a reality check and remind me that everyone has doubts and there is no one "normal" response to love and commitment. Evan, I filed with the court a legal separation and divorce decree at the same time.

My ex-wife and I How Can I Tell Him? Join our conversation Comments. Unbelievable You are spot on, Tina. I rather stay single Absoulty true for me as well. I totally agree with you. I could make a ton of money off of lonely middle-aged women if I wanted to be a coach. While it helps to know that there are others in the same boat, I fear that there will be a whole generation of us who miss out on the full version of the life we imagined… Online is a waste of time, and Match.

That said, my on line dating experience was so demoralizing I stopped doing it after 3 years. I have met the most unChristian men on ChristianMingle!! But by all means do the check.

People ask me all the time whether I offer dating and relationship coaching for single men. It really is ALL about you, ladies! And this is especially true as we get older.

We all have dating disappointments and horror stories. Just like we can meet the same types of guy over and over, men can do the same with women. Here are some of the types of women men deal with as they date and relate. As a dater after 40, knowing this will help you as you meet and connect with men. The Princess The Princess is confident, well put together, and very attractive.

She easily lures in men. He needs to make all the right moves. By default she clings to the same type of guy she wanted in high school or college. See the Wow Me Woman below. The nice, relationship-minded men get quickly discarded by the 18 year old. When he passes those tests or shows he has feelings for her, she questions it and might up the ante. She picks fights, picks the wrong guys, or maneuvers relationships to end because it gives her control. The wall she has erected is just too high for him to climb in order to get to the other side.

The Wow Me Woman leaves many good men in her dust. Men sense her quick judgment, which leaves them feeling deflated, unattractive and powerless. The Wow Me Woman is often single for a very, very long time. A guy never has a chance, even he is the nicest guy in the world and really likes her. The truth is that The Bitter Gal has been playing the victim for most if not all of her life.

Though a nice guy might try to break through and prove her wrong about men, he will give up out of exhaustion. She believes her sexuality is the only way she can attract a man, or she wants this point in her life to be a series of sexual experiences. She posts a provocative picture on her online dating profile, invites him over to her house on the first date, shows too much skin especially for a woman over 40 , and is overly familiar with her affection. Men who are looking just for sex will say yes.

They are men, after all. You know that dating after 40 or at any stage of life, for that matter! When you appreciate the same is true for the men you date, it will go a long way toward building compassion and, therefore, building relationships.

Most every man has his set of dating bumps and bruises. Next post I will share more about the women they date along with some of their personal stories. And, hey…I want to know what you think! Do you see yourself in any of these? And men, I SO want to hear from you! Agree or disagree, we can learn from you. I love this author. You are right on with your analysis of the things that men over 40 encounter in the dating scene.

I especially would like to piggyback on the discussions about women my age having such an in-depth, extensive checklist when it comes to finding Mr. I admire women and adore the loving nature that they bring to a relationship.

Of course, I have children and issues. My happily ever after just did not survive the Great Recession along with the instant gratification endulgences of our current social psyche. We have all become guilty of thinking the grass is greener over the fence. I can attest that it is not. I also blame no-fault divorce.

If you want the fairy tale 60 year marriage where you hold hands in the park when you retire rich and happy, then you need to realize that not only is this very rare in our economic times, but that couple that you are judging us by had plenty of rough times where they had to buckle down and wait it out.

And, it was work. But, these are the times we live in. I will love your body just the way it is, if you love it as well. I will partner up with you to conquer the world, if you let down your walls so I can get in.

Yes, I want to commit to a monogamous relationship once we get passed the psyche-crushing rejection that follows when women ask the 20 questions that delve deeper into our past then our psychoanalyst. These questions always lead women down the same path: The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. I have an MBA, but not a good job. I have extra weight, but I used to be a college athlete.

I flirt with younger women because they actually act like they like me. Try liking someone regardless if they are a little overweight, drive a 7 year old car, and flirt with younger women. He may be the one you are looking for. He may just be trying to keep his head above water in a 40s dating scene that is filled with women his own age that are expecting perfection from an imperfect world.

All I can say is that I adore you, Tony. Thank you — from myself and for my community- for taking the time to share your experience, thoughts and feelings. I will let Your words stand for themselves. You have educated us and given more proof to my teaching that Good Grownup Men are all around us. I have tried several online options with zero luck. I was married just over 22 years, no kids by choice to a great woman. We were that couple others called the model marriage, never a fight, no infidelity, made good decisions together.

Skip over the pain I felt, blah blah. The only time I get to interact with females is when going out to eat, and that female is a waitress. Not exactly the best setting you know. Away goes the wink, flirt, like, etc.

Yet, I might as well have sent it to Venus. I really think too many women in my age group, or maybe more for all I know, are hunting unicorn.

Like the story above, we just want trust and affection. We have to set the floor somewhere, and that floor is usually past prime child bearing years for guys my age. Oh I almost forgot one more type: Many of us over 40 were still taught these values growing up. I had a woman absolutely chew my ass out when opening the car door for her immediately followed by the restaurant door. She made a bit of a scene, people nearby were actually staring at us.

I took her back to the car and took her home. I think that was my first up close look at feminism. This is a dumb, rude woman. I would say that the vast majority, if not all the women in the Date Like a Grownup community consider themselves feminists.

Do they struggle with accepting help, especially from men? But they are yearning for a man to help them, have their back and do things to make them happy. Please keep being a gentleman and have some patience for we women who have been self-sufficient for so long that we are scared of losing our independence. I promise that most of us gladly get used to men like you.

There are so many fabulous single women out there. You are all trying to figure out how to date in the 21st century. There are lots of challenges. But never, ever give up. Keep learning and being your best, real self. Haha…love your 2 cents Splenda Daddy. When I am ready to date I will come look you up.

The Princess is so accurate. I am married now, but for some reason I attracted to a princess many times and the Sexpot. I am 40 and can say I dated each of these types. As a man I want a women that can stimulate me sexually and emotionally… Not use those things to control me.

There is another type I have run into which is probably more like the Princess… She is the Emotional Shark. This woman uses her emotions to get what she wants. Like the princess nothing is ever good enough. You can buy houses, clothes, cars, trips, and love her to death, but nothing is good enough.

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